Through My Eyes:

March 3, 2010 at 2:33 am (Through My Eyes) ()

This week, I want to tell you of the woman I love–through my eyes.

The woman I love is unlike any other person I have known. Our bond is an old, but ever-renewing thing that grows daily. It is as strong as it is, in large part, because of who she is as a person. Her intelligence–clear and present in her brown eyes–far surpasses the norm and greatly surpasses pretty much all of the women I have dated or lived with over the years. She has a wonderful sense of humor–at times quirky, sometimes slap-stick and silly; other times dry, but always quick. And, in her humor, her essentially joyous and interested world view is expressed.

Her laughter is as faceted as she is; she expresses several specific laughs, giggles, and the occasional belly-laughing guffaw. I know each of them by heart. I have memorized them and I know what each of them means…and what will produce which outpouring of amusement from her. This does not mean she is predictable so much as it is a testament to my attention to her and desire to know her.

Laughter is something we have always shared and still share. It is a joy to hear every laugh and giggle and to laugh with her. There are particular smiles as well. When she smiles, it alters the room and the sense of it remains long after her expression has changed. She smiles often. And, when she smiles, it becomes part of her whole presence.

In fact, she is that way with every expression or activity she engages in. Nothing is wasted. All her powers of animation are involved and a mood, an emotion, a sensation, becomes part of her. Yet it is subtle, simply part of her. Nothing is forced or too big. There is no wasted motion or affect and the space around her seems to become part of her demeanor. It is exhilarating. And, often, I am made weak-kneed in the gentle power of her presence. She is beautiful.

Sometimes, it still stuns me how beautiful she is and she will catch me looking at her while she is doing some daily thing like cooking dinner. Her almost embarrassed, self-conscious smile will appear like the sun on an overcast day, slowly pushing itself between the clouds to shine pointedly down on us. That smile makes me feel like a little school boi sitting in the back of the room shooting paper footballs at her–the ones with the silly notes inside: [you know] I like you; do you like me? check “yes” or “no.”

She is the same woman I knew in college all grown up, wearing some scars like the rest of us, but still chooses to laugh and to be happy. She has learned–as I have–that happiness is an inside job largely based on choice. Her taste in music spans a vast range and she is prone to break out in song or to begin dancing sock-footed in the kitchen.

She makes the best chicken piccata I have ever had.

She is the first–and the only–woman I ever watched The Wizard of Oz with and she has never given me shit about the fact that I cry when Judy sings “Over The Rainbow.” She watches Mel Brooks films with me and knows them by heart as I do. Our favorite film is the same: Bell, Book and Candle. [She bought me my own copy.]

She is also often guarded with her emotions, as is any one of us who lived long enough to be taken for granted and hurt in other ways. Yet, she unashamedly bares herself to me in such a way that the trust is not lost on me. I am grateful for it and respect it. She accepts the love I show her with open arms and an open, receptive heart. There is little, really, she has to say about her feelings: I can see them in her eyes, in her behavior, in the things of herself that she brings me.

Recently, while she was here, she made a wonderful drawing of me. Her talent is enormous. But aside from that, even in her drawing of me, her feelings are present. The love there is clear. I do not, but if I were ever to doubt that she loves me, I need only to look at myself through her eyes. So, I offer this view of her through my eyes. And, I leave you with it, hoping you will have, at least, a glimpse of her.

NOTE: This work is published here as proprietary and may not be reproduced, distributed, sold, or otherwise utilized outside the posting on this site without the express permission of the author; these works are the sole property of the author writing as Androgynonamous or DreadPirateRobert.

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6 Comments

  1. Femme Fairy Godmother said,

    It’s so good to know that someone sees Scintillectual in all of her beauty, her intelligence, her kindness and generosity. Of course, you see plenty that I don’t given that I don’t think of her that way – but it makes my heart happy to see her so well-loved.

    • androgynonamous said,

      Thank you so much!! As you have known and loved her long, it means the world to me that you appreciate and support us. Your opinion matters greatly.

  2. Blazer said,

    I have no idea what to say to this. Thank you for sharing you incredible love for your girl here.

  3. Scintillectual said,

    I’m with Blazer…it’s hard to know what to say to this. Then again, you know that my motto has always been “if you ask me the time, I’ll tell you how to make a watch,” so I shall find the words. *smile*

    You amaze me. From the day you and I came back into each others’ lives and decided to see where things led us, I have always wondered “why me?” We’ve had this conversation…so many gorgeous, talented, intelligent women have passed through your arms and our time together in Philly, oh so long ago, seemed like it must have been a blip in your continuum. I discovered that was not the case and oh, how very grateful I am. It is truly life-affirming to love someone who loves you back with such fervor. You are such an incredible gift to me, my sweet darling.

    Thank you for showing me (and the world!) how you see me and why you love me after all of these years and with so many to go…together, finally. I will simply part with my new motto: “It’s hard to be humble when you are perfect in every way.” *snort!*

    I love you, baby boi. You continue to raise me up and I can only hope to continue to be worthy of your feelings. I am ever yours. Always, and in all ways.

    • androgynonamous said,

      I am somewhat speechless, sugar. Thank you for this…there ARE so many years to come. And, as I keep telling you, you are more than worthy, as you are, just for and because of who you are. I hope to be worthy of your trust in me and your love of me for a long, long, time.

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