Reminders: Simple Things I know

June 21, 2010 at 11:47 pm (Through My Eyes) (, )

Now and then, I take little trips through my journals–take stock; look to see where I have been, and where I am, and gain a better sense of or new perspective on where I am going. I have been doing that lately. I have had a lot going on and there has been much to consider, reflect on, and adjust to as circumstances shake me on occasion. I talk a lot about the importance of knowing ourselves, of learning and seeking growth in all that we experience, as well as putting that growth to work in our  lives–in our relationships, in our work, in our faith if we have one.  I believe in these principles because, in very real ways, these have saved my ass–and, literally, my life–more than once. In all I have been through I have come to believe that most learning is really just a clear reminder of stuff that, deep down, we already know–that the knower in us knows.  I have been on a self-reflection kick lately for a number of reasons. Had a few things on my plate. In my cruise through my most recent journal and some other writings, I found some things I had written about things I have learned on my sometimes rocky road. I decided to put them here so I could remember them. If they help you in any way, I am glad.

Things I Have Learned and/or Come to Believe:
Love does not really conquer anything at all. Rather, love soothes, nurtures–sometimes with tenderness, sometimes with firmness, but nurtures nonetheless; it calms, endears, heals, protects [sometimes with intensity and/or aggression], and it strengthens both the lover and the loved when we allow ourselves to fully feel and live the love within us. This is true even when, especially when, we fear the vulnerability of doing it. Love does not conquer; it prevents the need for conquering of any kind.

What I freely give increases me rather than diminishes me.

It is never a bad thing to trust; even when it is broken, it teaches me and makes me stronger. It will, also, make me a better lover of others if I allow it to do so.
It is never a bad thing to have loved another. Even when it is broken, it too, teaches me and makes me a better person if I let myself be made more by having done it…if only because I learn what not to do to those I love.

It has been my observation–and experience–that it is in our deepest human relations, when it is most significant to be present, understanding and loving toward the other and ourselves, that our most basic needs and fears create our greatest mistakes–thus, it takes deep, but not unattainable, awareness to turn our fears and needs into right thinking and right action so the best in ourselves and others can be achieved. This is not easy. But it is a simple thing. And, when our effort creates the ability to perform this awareness, we walk in a light from which all regret, fear, and needless sorrow shrink.

Never eat at that hole in the wall diner, the “blue-whatever,” near Lake Norman again. Ever.

It is impossible for me to truly treat others well if I do not treat myself well.

Never–no matter how thirsty I get working–drink out of an old green water hose again.

I have value of an intrinsic and personal nature, if only because I get out of bed each day, do what is in front of me, and try to be a decent person who tries to make something useful and productive of herself. Thus, the more I can care for myself, the more I can care for others whom I bring into my life.

Compassionate understanding and forgiveness, in the truest sense of the their meanings, are only fully attainable when they are difficult to perform, when the risk to ourselves–our emotions, our comfort, our safety–is the greatest. It is in this willingness, this risk, that growth and significant benefit to ourselves and others take place. In other words, it is easy to be spiritual and live our ethics if we are in a cave in the desert. Real life happens in interaction.

Understanding and forgiveness have their greatest healing power [for myself and others] when I  transcend the circumstances of my hurt to look within and discover my own responsibilities, patterns, and tendencies with clear enough vision that, when I again look up, I see not only the humanness of the other, but aspects of myself within the other.

Remember when drilling repetitively to watch what the fuck I am doing with the drill; it hurts when the drill bit goes into my finger. Similarly, never take my eyes off of the table saw.

It is clear that what I reveal and demonstrate to others is more telling of who I am, what I value, and what my truth is than does what I verbalize. This is only true, however, for those who are inclined and care enough to look and to see as well as hear. For others, maybe half of what is shown and said is seen and heard. This is why what is revealed and demonstrated to me has always been measured against what I hear. What people say means less than what they do. Thus, to be honest and fair, I strive so hard to match my words, my presentation, and my deeds. I often fail miserably. I need to remember to forgive myself as I ask for forgiveness when this happens.

It is always good to give people ample rope. They will either use it to create linkages and connections; or, they will hang themselves with it. If I do not give them enough rope, I may miss out on the connections.

God is always doing for me what I cannot do for myself; the rest is up to me. I am responsible for doing what is in front of me, believing in myself, being accountable and making the best choices I can in order to do the next right thing. If there are failures or setbacks, these are either mine or purely circumstantial. God does not fail. Nor does God puppeteer me. And, often, when things appear to be going wrong, I find later that it was in my best interest, that I was saved from something worse.

Sometimes, you just have to trust. Just step out on faith and trust the process whatever it is. Trust that there are benevolent reasons for all that happens. Trust that you know what you know, that your instincts are good, and that you and the universe have your best interests at heart. And, know that–whatever happens–it is what it is and it will be as it will be.

NOTE:  This work is published here as proprietary and may not be reproduced, distributed, sold, or otherwise utilized outside the posting on this site without the express permission of the author; these works are the sole property of the author writing as Androgynonamous or DreadPirateRobert.


  1. Scintillectual said,

    Sweetheart, I am ever in awe of your vast self-awareness and of your awareness of others. You are truly insightful and your ability to love, see, believe, trust, and be mindful is an amazing thing. I had to laugh at the little interjections regarding the hole-in-the-wall diner and the drill bit, etc. Practicality definitely has its place.

    I also learned from this piece that I have so very far to go in my own learning. While I’ve come a long way this year, I am still so stunted emotionally. I’d blame it on others—but God gave me free will and I took that will and squandered it on situations that keep me from fully loving, fully seeing, fully believing, fully trusting, and rarely being mindful.

    I am SUCH a work in progress and you are such an inspiration.

    I love you, you know.

    • androgynonamous said,

      We are all, including me,works in progress baby girl. One of the things I love most about you is your very strong desire for growth and personal awareness. You try, you strive, you seek–and you do so with passion, interest and spirit that few people possess. Your desire for growth, willingness to be honest with yourself, seek feedback, and follow through on things you decide to do for your growth are inspirations to me. Watching you grow helps me grow. This is one of the things that makes our relationship so workable, graceful and profound. Even the difficult times are not too difficult for too long because we meet each other with an interest in and striving for growth–for ourselves and the us we are creating. Our relationship inspires me to be and do better, to work through any fears or mis-steps so that I can move toward “fully loving, fully seeing, fully believing, fully trusting” in a more mindful way. I am so grateful for you…but also for the us because it makes me want to be more, be better. And, because it is such a healthy, wonderful thing and feels so good!!
      I love you too sweetheart I hope to be a work in progress with you for a very, very long time. I delight in being able see what we will become…

  2. Blazer said,

    Again, as usual, you have given much to think about. No snark on this one. 😉

    • androgynonamous said,

      Cool…although, I like the snark. Let me know, if you want, what you come up with as you “think.” You know how I love a good dialogue. Later, buddy.

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