Thoughts On Coming to Own My Butch Cock: Part II…Walking Between Worlds

August 24, 2010 at 2:09 am (Walking Between Worlds) (, , , )

In my first installment on this topic, back in March, I wrote about two aspects of the use of a synthetic cock, and my ownership of it as a part of myself, that I believe are essential. Primary of these two concepts is the fact that the activity of penetrating my partner in such a way is not male emulation as it is often viewed by those who frown upon the idea and/or do not understand it. It is, however, an inherent part of and expression of the aspects of my nature [and personhood] that the gender-binary language would label as masculine or male-identified. It is an extension, in a very real way, of my shaft-driven, sexually aggressive, and—for lack of a better description—masculinized clitoris. I have discussed, in other offerings here, the fact that my genitalia have never been responsive in the ways typical to most females, and that, prior to finding a partner who understood me and my body, I thought there was simply something wrong with me because things that so clearly aroused and satisfied other females either annoyed me or served only as arousal stimulus. My clitoris responds more like a dick. And, my cock has become, as I said, a very real extension of the smaller cock-like organ that is my clitoris. This leads to the other aspect of coming to own my cock that I discussed in the first blog on this issue—the fact that, from the beginning, there was a sensation of it being, somehow, part of me physically, mentally, and emotionally. In that piece, I wrote:

… there was only the feel of her legs at my sides, her heels pressing my buttocks, the sight of this life-like cock moving inside her.  There was only this embrace. The feel of the silicone balls against my clitoris. The sound of her responsiveness: her breath at my neck; her breast beneath my tongue.  The explosion of freedom between us.  The wonder of her wrapped in both my arms, tightly. It was as if I began to grow some kind of synthetic nerve endings and became attached to the thing—this appendage both me and not me, part of me and not part of me.  This thing we share is not male emulation…It is simply one of many ways to penetrate her, to join with her, to be in communion together.  It is the loving—and exuberant—expression of a deep desire to please her, to enjoy her, to be as close to her as possible.  And, it is one of many ways to express my very real need to be both inside her and outside of her, to be free to touch her everywhere in every way I can.  It is my butch, baby boi cock.  And, I like it. I like what it does for me and for her. It is mine.  Part of myself.  Part of my identity with her, with us.  It is mine and I own it…and so does she.  It is part of who I am and always have been—finally finding freedom.  It is a deep embrace, indeed.  Not only of her, but of myself as well.  And, it is good.

There has been an evolution of this experience that, several years ago—and even several months ago—I would have scoffed at as even being a physical possibility. In the past in fact, when I heard or read others say it was possible, I had sworn they were full of shit, that it was not neuro-physically possible. For some time now, I have known that is not only possible, but it happens on a regular basis. This evolution is the growing ability to come through my cock, so to speak, without there having to be a particularly direct stimulation against my clitoris. From the start, I was able to come due to the stimulation of my clitoris by the cock itself. And, I was able to do so quite vigorously and satisfactorily.

In fairly short order, however, I found myself coming when the position of my body as I penetrated Scin did not provide a direct stimulation of my smaller, masculinized organ. The first time this happened, I was pleasantly stunned and exceedingly happy about it. Scin was thrilled. We immediately set about seeing if we could make it happen again. It was a long night. And, it did, indeed, happen again. I was, though, surprised…and, I must admit, more than a bit confused. In many ways, it did not make rational sense. In the literal sense, the synthetic cock is not sensual or sentient—it does not feel, does not experience the neurological underpinnings of mentality or emotion, nor is it cellular in its connection to me. Yet, it was.  

Being a friend of the scientific method, I felt we should explore this phenomenon in order that I might get a better sense of exactly what was happening and how it was happening. Scin was happy to help. We tried all sorts of pleasantly stimulating and satisfying positions and activities. We were able to achieve truly enjoyable orgasms, together, in all manner of positions during which there was little stimulation of my actual genitals. Blow jobs were no longer simply arousal foreplay. We found that hand jobs worked as well. My ability to come with my cock has become a regular event and occurs in all manner of sexual activity—as if it is, physically and mentally, a part of me.

What is even more significant is that this ability immediately and effortlessly translated to my soft pack as well. Early in our relationship, the soft pack was a wonderful tool for foreplay. I would pack for fun and Scin would rub my crotch, stoke me,  and play with me in an array of teasing and taunting situations. It was marvelously naughty and exciting. After I began to come when we were fucking with my cock, we discovered—much to our mutual joy—that I could come with the soft pack when she sucked me off or engaged in a vigorous hand job. Because Scin likes, very much, to watch me engage in all kinds of auto-stimulation, we have recently discovered that I can come jerking off with either of them. There are those who would say that it is all in my head, that it is a mental experience only. And, they are wrong. Just as I was wrong before I experienced it. I have a simple way of describing the experience.

It is very much an extension of my own genitalia as well as my overall sensual experience. Sensuality is physical, emotional, mental and—for some of us—in a way, spiritual. It is vibratory. It is excitatory. It is of the physical body, and thus, tactile, visual, auditory and feeling-based. It is organic. The relationship between me and this synthetic organ is a connection that is all things sensual in nature. It is vibratory as the action of my cock inside of Scin moves down the shaft and into me. It is visual as I watch it move in and out of her, and see the effects it produces within her. It is auditory as I hear the sounds we make together—the sounds of our fucking, our sliding and moving into one another, the expressions of arousal and the inspirations and expirations of satisfaction. It is fully tactile as we pull and push into each other, grasp at each other, increase pressure, penetration and contact in an effort to be closer and closer still. It is as physical as physical can be—the sensations, the arousal, the engorgement of blood, make my own woman-dick larger and harder.  It is exciting in the same ways that her hand or her mouth on my boi-clit is exciting. It is all the same. Yet, it is different. It is different in the way that the orgasm I have when she sucks me off on my own clit is different from a hand job. Yet neither is more or less physical or real than the other. Coming with my cock is as real as any other body-oriented way of coming. It is feeling-based. It is emotional. It is mental and physical. It is as I described it from the beginning:

…this appendage both me and not me, part of me and not part of me… her legs at my sides, her heels pressing my buttocks, the sight of this life-like cock moving inside her.  There was only this embrace… It is the loving—and exuberant—expression of a deep desire to please her, to enjoy her, to be as close to her as possible.  It is part of who I am and always have been—finally finding freedom.

NOTE:  This work is published here as proprietary and may not be reproduced, distributed, sold, or otherwise utilized outside the posting on this site without the express permission of the author; these works are the sole property of the author writing as Androgynonamous or DreadPirateRobert.

 

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12 Comments

  1. Scintillectual said,

    Oh and what a glorious cock, indeed. It has been truly satisfying to come (no pun intended) to this place of being with you, sexually. Not only have we grown together in so many aspects of our physical relationship—the effortless way we slide from dom to sub, sub to dom, equals, and back again—but I love being partner to this part of you, the discovery of your cock and all that it means to you. I also love that you embrace all of the natures of your cock: your boi-clit, your soft-pack, and well, that gorgeous, thick shaft of Vixskin. There is rarely anything more gratifying than to take you into my mouth and bring you to multiple orgasms. It no longer matters what form your cock takes—you truly have come to completely own it and I am truly grateful to be the woman that gets to lavish it with so many different kinds of attention. Damn…wish it was a school day! Won’t you come back and spend the night again tonight?

    Always and in all ways,
    Your Sweet Scin

    • androgynonamous said,

      Sweetheart,
      I must say this was really nice to wake up to…so many things to contemplate as I start my day. Most importantly–and as I hope you know–I do not think I would have been able to fully come to this place within myself were it not for us, for your instinctive and caring understanding of me in the first place, and the amazing openness, freedom, and…well…encouragement you and our relationship have given me. There has never been [not even in our past] a moment where I felt I needed to be “less butch” or “less obvious” or any of the other things that were so often asked of me. With you, with us, there has never been anything but a loving and thoughtful acceptance of me, who I am, and an open acceptance of whatever I bring to and offer you as your friend, mate, and lover. It is a marvelous aspect of our relationship. Your description of how we are together, how we have grown and are growing, is so well-said that there is little I can add, really.
      Except to say this: I love that we–you and I–have come to this place of being together, that you are the woman with whom I share, really, all that I am, and that you are the woman who receives me and my cock in all its forms. I love that you, too, embrace–in so many wonderful ways–all the natures of my cock…particularly, the many ways you take me into your mouth and take me to places I never would have imagined. As we grow in so many ways, the evolution of our sexuality is a joyous journey, indeed. I am looking forward to continuing the journey for a long, long time and discovering all the places, within and without, to which it takes us.

      I am ever yours…ever you sweet baby boi…and so much more,
      Li

    • androgynonamous said,

      Oh, and, by the way Sugar…I’ll be seeing you later.

  2. Jolie said,

    If I’ve learned anything over this last year, it is that I have learned the value of having a partner that “gets” me on this fundamental level.

    The two of you are beauty in motion.

    Being able to open up and explore within your own sexuality and responses is an incredible experience. I love that you have someone who explores and embraces this with you, and that you are willing to share it with us.

    It bears repeating; I really do enjoy your writing.

    p.s. Scin, I love your writing, too, and neither of you write often enough for greedy little me! 😉

    • androgynonamous said,

      Jolie,
      Thank you so much. I am enjoying your readership–your perspective is refreshing and insightful. I am so glad you are dropping in and sharing with us. I agree. The value of a partner who truly gets you is large and so freedom-making in regard to the personal growth and the growth in the relationship. That we get each other is a rare and wonderful thing. I appreciate your recognition of us and your appreciation. I am also glad you enjoy the writing. I feel sure that you get and understand that there is attention to the word, so to speak.
      We are, by the way, trying to get back into a routine…so there should be more writing. Hope you don’t get too impatient and give up on us.
      So glad, again, you are here.

    • Scintillectual said,

      Jolie~

      Thank you for your very kind words and lavish praise! I have been horribly remiss in keeping up with my own site. As a single mom with a son who is starting school, a new job (where I actually write marketing copy for a living, which kind of leaves me wanting to steer clear of the computer in the evenings), and boxes yet to unpack from the move, I just haven’t had the time lately to write all that I would like. I’ll get my groove back, to be sure. In fact, I’ve got a few things brewing and might get something new up today. Additionally, my dear Li needs to take some new photos of me for HNTs and perhaps we’ll get a chance to play tomorrow. 🙂

      So glad you are here to share our journey with us. I will be checking out your site as soon as I can come up for air (and I’ll just leave it up to you to imagine what might be keeping me from breathing – heh)

      Scin.

      P.S. If you would like to read more of my work, I write at http://www.dazedunconfused.wordpress.com and monthly at http://www.ourbiggayborhood.com (my last article was on the 22nd of August, called Saturated Phat). *shameless plug*

      • Jolie said,

        Oh heavens. I’m blushing from both of you. It’s lovely that you share yourselves online like you do – I’ve become quite the sap since falling head over heels myself.

        The shameless plug (hehehe plug) is appreciated, since I’m clicking now!

      • androgynonamous said,

        A nice warm blush is good for you. We’ve been reading you and enjoying the journey there too. Talk to you soon, I’m sure.

  3. Blazer said,

    I would say that you have no idea how lucky you are to have a partner and lover that does accept you for all that you are, who you are; but it is clear that you do know. We have talked a bit (well, probably more than a bit) about both having grown up in the feminist movement and how that has influenced our acceptance of our masculinity. I think you have recovered from the kool-aid overdose better than I. I still have a hard time sometimes separating the masculine from the male. Not that I am a typical feminist “man-hater”, just that there are some typical male traits that I am not fond of when exhibited by either sex. I am a work in progress, as we all are I know. I think I just have a little bit more work left than some.

    I love you both and am really happy that you are enjoying this journey together.

    • Scintillectual said,

      *sniff sniff* We love you!!!!

      …and I’m sure Li will answer you herself. I’m just butting in.

      xoxo

      • Blazer said,

        And such a lovely butt it is. ;D

    • androgynonamous said,

      Buddy, I do so appreciate both your perspectives and your support. As you know, we are all works in progess–especially me. I am not so sure I have recovered from the kool aid OD any better so much as I am simply prone to self-examination and willing to prattle on about it here…HA! I, too, often struggle with aspects of the process–separating the masculine from the male is not a simple thing: what is enculturation; what is intrinsic; what is genetic; what is simply individual personality; what is collective mindset??? There are some male traits, and some female traits as well, that I also find uncomfortable when I see them in either sex. I have trouble sometimes separating what is culture-based, or simply bad behavior, from all of that. I do know this. Our talks and written exchanges about our issues, thoughts and concerns on the journey have been–and are–invaluable to me. The kinship is a real gift. I learn from our commonalities and our differences and cherish our exchanges.
      I also appreciate your recognition of mine and Scin’s connection, the value of it, and the fun inherent in it. It is great to have you along for the ride!! We both love you.
      LYB!

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